So what love am I feeling? Just that little bit of Parenthood love - that sometimes just smacks you right in the chops and makes you just feel - sigh - this is all worth it.
As any parent will tell you, it's one of the hardest jobs in the world being a Mum/Dad. There are ALOT of hard days - thankless work, timeless arguments, battles and dramas (and it's only just begun).
I think when you have a moment to breathe and to face those challenges and analyse what they bring to you as a person. What they add to you, in your one life on this earth. It's pretty damn amazing. I know I am 100% a better person for being a parent. Your capacity to change, to adapt, to love and to be selfless is quite remarkable. The fact of being a parent stretches you and your being in so many different ways... You become a bigger person.
I have seen this with my husband, his childhood was not terrible, but it was fairly soulless there wasn't a lot of love floating about for the taking. Being a father has enabled him to develop his capacity to love... To build confidence, to impress - to be loved. It's really quite wonderful. This morning my highly emotional son raced down the stairs to see his dad, forgetting that he was away for work and it crushed him. The physical disappointment of the single most important man in his life not being there was evident... I sent my husband a text to tell him, so he wrote a wonderful loving message back, which made my son cry even more... So he phoned Papa and proceeded to lambast him down the phone, for leaving and not telling him before.
This crushed my husband, as he had forgotten to tell him he was going... ALL THESE EMOTIONS FROM THESE BIG STRONG BOYS.
Last night as I went to tuck my son in. Fast asleep he wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered I love you mummy.... My heart leapt!!!
I think it's important to write this down - so I will remember. What is the point if we only remember the bad stuff?? How I am trying to live my life for the better, is so I DO remember these moments.
My most fabulous daughter turned 8 last week. We took her up the Eiffel Tower at the weekend at night. She said one of her dreams had come true... Score!!! Top parenting!!
Yes there have been moments over the weekend I could have done better, explained better, enjoyed more, stressed less... But it is SO important to allow yourself some parental praise. Some parental joy. It's not bloody easy, you don't always make the right choices, but even the bad bits can have good sides if you grow from the experience because you have learned from it.
This song was on my ipod (I know old school!) this morning and it sums up the mood of this piece - ENJOY x
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