HAZING... The debate

Working in a University I cannot help worry about the students safety. I know that making mistakes is part of growing up, and by god I have made some. But is it all really a bit out of control??

Is it a necessary element in our evolution as individuals to test ourselves and our limitations? As parents, should we, can we protect our children from the stupidity that youth can bring?

I have been having a long running debate with my students about the 'integration' weekend or hazing event.

The Wiki definition for Hazing is  
'Hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group. Hazing is seen in many different types of social groups, including gangs, sports teams, schools, military units, and fraternities and sororities. Hazing is often prohibited by law and may comprise either physical or psychological abuse. It may also include nudity and/or sexually based offenses.'

Now that doesn't sound like something you want your kids to be doing right?

Now the student's argument is that what they do is not that extreme - that it's harmless fun and it's what the students want, what they ask for...
I have had some questions for them
1. How can they ever trust the limits of people under the influence of alcohol?
2.  How can they justify humiliating each other, taunting each other? Bullying each other?
3. Why would they want to be part of this?

In response to this they try to distance themselves from the bad press of fraternities/sororities and the terrible stories that have come out recently...
I hit them with statistics such as Frat boys are 300% more likely to rape and 1 in 5 women is sexually assaulted in campus The Guardian - September 24th 
They respond again... This is not us (This argument is all too familiar - It wasn't me - It wasn't us.) or the recent report from the University of Virginia New York Times that's America - not Europe.

I then give them some concrete examples of schools in the City, where one boy last year died as he fell out of a window with his feet and his hands bound and HUGE amounts of alcohol in his system. Or a girl from our school who left because she felt so humiliated by what she had done at the integration weekend. The response - We know it's not perfect, but we're responding to a demand. The student's want to be hazed, they love it.

I guess this comes back to the root of the problem, what is going on with our society if this is what our kids want??? Should we as parent's or teacher's be trying to stop these practices?

For me the fundamental issue is this idea that to be part of the gang you have to prove yourself. You have to humiliate yourself to be integrated. This is what surely we should be teaching kids to avoid?
However 'light' the punishment is... for example at our school the students are not allowed to sleep for 24 hours, and if they do they have sheep hearts or dead octopuses smeared in their face - harmless fun :-/
They say that students don't have to go on the integration weekend it is their choice, but if you don't you're directly on the outside of the cool kids - If you go and don't join in - Again you're not included. (Plus they sold 1,000 tickets in under 1hour... so the demand is very high!)
It's not those who are strong and in charge that will suffer, it's those that are weak and vulnerable who will. 

They're away from home, they want to be accepted and liked, to me it seems completely logical that people will do things that they know are wrong, or dangerous or hurtful - Adding to that sleep deprivation and being plastered with alcohol - surely, surely it is a recipe for disaster?

When I asked them this question, were they really sure that there wasn't one person who felt uncomfortable? There wasn't one person who felt it went too far? There wasn't one person who felt pressurized to do something they didn't want to? None of them could convince me. They are extremely loyal to their school - Which is why so often these things are covered up. (University of Virginia...) But I could tell at least 4/5 students in each group agreed with me,  But why would they speak up against their peers??

To end this post I am still questioning my involvement in this debate. As a parent I know I cannot control what my kids do, and I shouldn't. I know through making mistakes and through hardship we learn and develop as people. I know I cannot shelter them from the world (really can't I? It so fun inside?? Yesterday we made pompoms - that's nice and safe...)

The worst part is that I know I was that insecure young person, who did stupid things to impress people, who put myself in dangerous places, who at times was bullied and bullied...
So what can I do so that my kids don't end up like me???

My daughter came home and said one of her 'friends' had said Tu es tetu - we had to look it up in the dictionary as neither of us knew what it meant. The dictionary translation was 'stubborn' or 'headstrong' I told her, you know what M - that isn't such a bad insult to have, better to be headstrong and stick to your beliefs, than to be a follower and just do as your friends tell you.

Phew RebuildingMum 1 - scary world/other kids 0

She's nearly 8 - I AM TERRIFIED of the teenage years...